The Slow Path to Healing
the porch: a (sometimes) weekly email from @aslowjourney for your whole journey
thoughts: on Healing and Wholeness
I really REALLY want to tell you all about a trip to Italy that I took back in January. But honestly, I keep thinking it might be like watching someone else’s vacation video. And I’m fairly sure I speak for a large majority of the population in saying that’s kind of boring.
So instead, I’m going to write about a pilgrimage I took and how it is still unfolding.
If you haven’t known me that long or are new to this space, I herniated a few discs back in 2022 preparing to move across the country. (This was sort of the beginning of it if you want to read it.) I began to heal and was invited to go to Italy to paint an icon of St. Francis in Italy. Of course I said yes, because it sounded amazing - not really taking into account my physical body.
My desire was to make this journey to Assisi a pilgrimage. And so I set an intention. And the word that kept coming to mind was “healing”. I thought that was odd. I wasn’t interested in “healing” because I thought my physical body was good enough. I kept pushing it off, but “healing” kept returning. And so I said “ok - why not? I’ll make it my intention to pray for healing.”
And there’s a LOT more I want to say about the whole “healing” thing, but that’s for next time. Fast forward - I got home from Italy, went to Phoenix to visit family and a few hours after getting off the plane I couldn’t walk. Seven months later - I’m finally back to driving more than hour by myself (literally just did that this week). And I’m still healing.
But it is not just a physical healing taking place. There are many wounds and griefs of all the things I may never do again. Ice skating, water skiing, sledding down a hill, horseback riding and the list goes on an on. And perhaps I might, but in my current physical state, it’s probably a no. And so I grieve. I let the waves come. I welcome them in. It’s not what I would choose, but it is where I am. I am present to my place on the journey with the Divine. (And please believe me when I say it is not without a struggle to do so some days.)
But I’ve heard and seen a lot of people talking about healing and wholeness lately. What I’ve noticed is the desire is just to acknowledge the pain (not necessarily feel it), skip the healing and THINK they will move directly into wholeness, missing the healing process entirely. For example (and this might seem ridiculous but hear me out) I’ve noticed my hand has been cut off. I’ve managed to stop the bleeding, now I’m going to play a piano concerto in Carnegie Hall. It’s just not going to happen. And it can’t happen without healing. And healing takes time. It’s a slow process. Like all of life.
A transformation process cannot happen without pain and healing - physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
So sit with the Divine with your pain. And sit with the Healer with your healing. Let it take as long as it takes. Reach out if you need help or someone to walk with you on the journey. Let those things build into your wholeness. For without its substance the “wholeness” is nothing more than a shell, a facade, covering untouched wounds.
Is there a deep wound, a deep unmet desire, you’re holding within?
What do you need to say about it? What do you want to say to it?
How will you sit with it?
Need someone to talk to? A counselor or therapist can help. OR if you’re looking for someone to accompany you in a spiritual way, I’m happy to help you find a spiritual director sheli@aslowjourney.com.
spiritual practice: The Welcome Prayer
When we welcome “what is” in our life, it doesn’t mean that we’ve given up. It means that we pause with a holy indifference before what comes our way and see where God is in the midst of it. Within the Presence we bring our needs, our desires, our thoughts, our emotions, and our circumstances. Instead of fighting these things and those around us, we welcome them, and God within them, so that we are transformed as we consent to Presence in all areas of our lives. The welcome prayer by Thomas Keating is one I return to again and again for all kinds of reasons. May you find it a prayer to rest in as well.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
I welcome everything that comes to me today because I know it’s for my healing.
I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations, and conditions.
I let go of my desire for power and control.
I let go of my desire for affection, esteem, approval and pleasure.
I let go of my desire for survival and security.
I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person or myself.
I open to the love and healing presence of God and God’s action within.
Amen
embodied living: connecting with your body
While some of us feel ALL the feelings in our bodies, others of us have a difficult time sitting with a feeling or feeling it within our bodies. So today I invite you to remember a time recently where you remember FEELING a certain way. Perhaps it was when you watched a friend graduate, a kid make their first hit on the baseball field, watched fireflies dance in the dark. It doesn’t have to be a happy memory, but sometimes these are easier to sit with. As you recall the memory of that time notice your face, your body, and name the feeling.
Remain in the memory and as you name the feeling, notice where you feel it in your body. Stay with that feeling as long as you’re able. Release it and give gratitude for your body, mind and soul connecting.